Thanksgiving Break

Everything, all at once

I think this album sounds all at once like summer and winter and the sea, which is always changing but the same from season to season, and today it's making me feel like I can have summer light and freedom and happiness even when the outside starts to freeze.

and her heart is full and hollow

Joni has this amazing capacity for embodying so many emotions and viewpoints simultaneously, like how she can look at everything through the lenses of before and after in Both Sides, Now, and in this song it's two ends of the spectrum: full and hollow, and red and green in Marcie, and all the mentions of seasons turning in Marcie and obviously the Circle Game but lots of her other songs, too.  She's just everything.  The full range of feelings.  Is that not what life is about?

So, this is my life.  And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and still trying to figure out how that could be.

Thursday I reread the Perks of Being a Wallflower (except for the last few pages).  It's been five years.  I didn't remember how much it affected me.  How much I identify with Charlie.  We went to the midnight premiere of the movie that night and...there aren't words.  It was perfect.  I sound ridiculous and I'm attaching too much meaning to this but I kind of don't care, soaking in every frame of that movie was life-changing and just dfskjfdsjkjla love, love, love.

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Cashiers always feel the need to comment when my purchases are contradictory; today it was gushers versus vegetables.  I am an amalgam of a five-year-old, candy and stupid games and fairytales and doodles and dreams, and an eighty-year-old, books and tea and knitting and crossword puzzles and memories, trying to figure out what it means to be twenty.